Barney Stinson Vampire Man
by TheSlayerInTheTardis
Summary: Barney goes through a certain lifestyle change and Lilly is horrified as details from her past begin to reapear. She fears the life she's worked so hard keep, she will loose. Please read and review! disclaimer: Nope. Not my characters *cries* Second chapter is loads better than the first but I should get around to updating.
1. Chapter 1

Barney Stinson loves his life. Boobs, suits and scotch. But one day, just an ordinary day, he found himself loving it just that bit less.

He didn't feel like McLaren's, tonight, but he'd go. He'd put on a fake smile and hit mindlessly on hot women. It's just what he did.

Barney paid the cab driver and made his way to the doors. He swore he heard a noise coming from the alleyway and went to check it out. Dustbins clattered followed by a slight moan. Smirking to himself, Barney stepped forwards to catch them in the act. 'Sounds like someone's getting lucky.'

'Hey,' he called, challengingly. A man turned to face him but there was something wrong with his face, Barney's smile dropped. He couldn't see properly but It looked like he was forcing himself on the girl; she cried in the corner. If he played this right, he could totally score some but on the other hand he didn't want to get into a fight. The guy told him to back away but then stepped closer to him. Barney noticed the blood down his shirt and even in the darkness he could see it glistening on the whimpering girl. With the guy's hands around his neck, Barney began to try to reason himself out of a fight. Realising this guy was clearly too strong, he gave up. His face was barely human; it was horrible.

'Potential,' Barney thought he heard the guy-creature say, and then something strange happened. He dropped Barney on his feet but he was unable to move. With something sharp piercing his neck; Barney's consciousness slipped away. _Wait a second, _was his last thought,_ was this guy biting him?_

When his eyes finally opened, Barney felt a buzz of electricity pulsing through him. His body tingled all over. Grinning, he morphed his face between demon and human, the truth and the disguise; Barney had never felt better even knowing what he was. _What he was_; he was dead; he was a vampire. He was brilliant.

It would be dawn soon and he needed someone to eat, Barney couldn't wait to sink his teeth into soft human flesh. With his sire gone, Barney guessed it was all down to him, every last drop. He'd always been a lone wolf – except when Ted needed a wingman. He was so going to change Ted.

Pushing himself stiffly up from the ground, Barney tweaked his tie and brushed his now suit crinkled suit. Thinking about it, Barney had always been great with the ladies, why should now be any different? Maybe he'd get a cool un-dead nickname? That would be Legend… wait for it… dary!

From the beginning turn of the ally, Barney heard light pounding on the ground. 'Guess he didn't have look far from his first meal. Laughing to himself, he skulked into the shadow.

'Lilly?' She stood facing him, a serious and devilish smile painted on her face, as if saying 'I've missed this'. _Yum. _Her blood smelled good to Barney. It smelled magic.

'I'm sorry.' She said sadly, losing her smile, pulling a thing wooden steak from out of her long black boot. 'I'm really sorry, Barney…' Lilly charged.

'What?'


	2. Chapter 2

_**Barney Stinson: Vampire Man**_

**Chapter 2:**

**Hey everyone! I like this chapter so much more than the last one! But I bet you're thinking like… WHAT? With the months of not updating, it's just I had/have no plans to continue this but I just had this little random idea on how to do this chappie – so enjoy! You know how it is, when inspiration just hits you in the face. Plans however can be changed so as always, if you want me to continue, just ask!**

* * *

Lilly stabbed the stake into his chest, narrowly missing the heart. He swung his arm around and thumped her in the chest. Lilly staggered backwards.

"I can't believe they got to _you_, Barney." She said sadly, rising from the ground. She shook her head although Barney couldn't tell if it was out of sadness or purely to shake the rubble out of her hair.

"Lil," he sneered. "What are you talking about? How do you know...?"

"About Vampires? An old friend of mine." Lily spat. Her face changed into a sad smile and a memory crossed her eyes. Lilly began to circle the Vampire; sadness ringing in the air. Barney had no clue what she was talking about "But I left that behind! You weren't supposed to come back. I was _happy_." Lilly charged again but Barney caught her. She couldn't decide whether it was worth the risk to use magic but knew her fighting skills weren't exactly up to scratch.

"And now you're gonna die." Barney threw Lilly to the ground. She felt a small searing pain through her legs and warm blood soaked her knee. Lilly groaned as her steak clucked to the ground. She began to feel for it but fearing he would come back at her, she pulled herself away. Lilly rose again and stepped further back.

"Could make you like me, you know, Lil. All of you. Marshall, Ted, Robin. It's _awesome_!"

Lilly closed her eyes and concentrated. She pictured Marshall before her, and her family. She thought of how Barney would hurt them lest she did this and drew her power. Lilly took comfort in her elements and allowed them to both sooth and empower her.

"Ignis enceinte!" The Wicca cried. A ball of fire appeared in her hands. Bright light struck from her palms and she shot it towards Barney. He knew he couldn't win.

Barney hurtled himself over the gate and clattered into the dustbins. He leaped over another fence and before Lilly could so much as call his name or shoot her fire he was gone.

Lilly sighed. She let the fire in her hands die down, picked up her steak and slid it into her pocket. She pulled out the small, now cracked mirror from her other pocket and attempted to straighten her hair. With the smallest of victories over her tangled mane, she made her way back inside. She was careful to smile when she saw Marshall and Ted sitting in the booth.

"Whoa, Lil!" Ted gaped. She supposed she didn't look all too acceptable, then.

"Lilly-pad," Marshall crooned. She sent him a genuine smile this time in response to his affectionate pet name for her. "What happened? Are you okay?" Lilly looked down in embarrassment and uncertainty only to see a gaping tear through her shirt and blood crusting her jeans. Lilly sighed.

"Marshall," She said in her best _'really-I'm-fine'_ voice. "I just tripped." She finished her lie with a small giggle and slid along the cushion next to her husband.

* * *

It would be dawn soon; Barney could feel it. He couldn't believe Lilly had been so good with a steak. And that whole fire thing! It seemed so unlikely... A kindergarten teacher - _Lilly!_ - A badass Wicca! But all things considered, _today_ was all a bit unlikely.

After all, he was a vampire. Barney shook his head but grinned. It was the best day of his life! Or rather unlife, he supposed. It was ironic, who'd have thought to feel this alive, you'd have to be dead.

Lilly trying to kill him! Phst! She was just lucky, he was newly bon, unsteady on his feet… thirsty. He knew he'd get her tomorrow. And the gang.

Barney slid under the manhole cover, and found a place to sleep, and a passage to the underground for blood. The sun was close to rising now, so this would have to do. He'd get something to drink tomorrow though, and somewhere better to sleep.


End file.
